Ivan Garcia Galicia
BIO
Associate professor of food science at the National Autonomous University of Mexico (Mexico). Father of three children.
“When I care for our kids, my wife has valuable time for herself.”
My wife and I first crossed paths when I was finishing my PhD in England and she was a visiting researcher. Little did we know that life had an incredible journey of parenting three beautiful kids in store for us! After I graduated, I wasn’t sure how we could be together, but my adventurous girlfriend took the plunge and moved from the Netherlands to Mexico. We've been happily in love for almost 15 years now.
We became parents at 38 and 31, having time to enjoy life as a childless couple first. At the start of our parenting adventure, we were both in academia, and life was pretty great. We dreamt of a second child, and soon enough, welcomed another healthy boy into our lives. Around the same time, my wife landed a fantastic full-time research position at a university in the States. We temporarily moved, and although the job brought financial stability, it cut into our family time, with our children in childcare from 8AM to 5PM at just 2.5 years old and 8 months old. After a year, we returned to Mexico, seizing the chance to both hold full-time professorship positions. However, our family time remained limited, with the kids in school from 8AM to 3PM.
Being an actively involved father has been a challenge. The pressures of modern life, societal expectations, and our desire to give our children the best future possible creates stress.
In developing countries like Mexico, the role of fatherhood can feel more pronounced because of insecurity, limited social services, and issues in the public education system, pushing both parents to work for financial stability. It's vital for us to have the resources for safe environments, quality private education, and healthcare services.
I remember a colleague saying, "It's interesting how the kids of highly educated folks are often cared for by those who aren't as educated. In the end, we don’t provide the education we hoped for." That statement changed my perspective on family and life. When I shared this with my wife, she felt the same but had concerns: we both understood how important our jobs were, which made it hard to consider leaving them.
Two years ago, while my wife was on maternity leave with our third child, a precious little girl, I had the chance to apply for an Associate Professor position at one of Mexico’s top universities. Although the position was a step down, the university's reputation was incredibly attractive.
Accepting the job meant leaving behind our steady jobs, moving over 1,500 kilometers, and living on a single salary. At first, I wasn’t sure it was the right move. But my wife encouraged me, suggesting this could be an opportunity for her to be a full-time mom and give our kids the best caregiver in the world – their mom!
So, we made the decision to leave our stable academic careers and move, allowing my wife to focus on raising our three children and provide the attention we couldn’t when both of us were working. Since then, we’ve transitioned into a traditional family setup, where I’m the provider while my wife cares for the kids. Initially, we thought this would be a perfect solution. However, the reality hasn’t been as rosy as we envisioned. This new dynamic has put pressure on me to provide a good income, leading to long hours, a ton of responsibilities, and stress.
I often feel guilty about not being as involved with the kids as I would like to be, something I know my wife feels too, as she misses her career and the chance to develop as a scientist. Now, we’re considering going back to our previous arrangement, where we could both work for economic stability. Alternatively, my wife is exploring job options that would allow her to spend more time as a family while still contributing to the household.
Looking back on our journey - from pre-kids life to juggling three children while working, and now embracing this more traditional family structure - we’ve realized that society has changed so much. What once seemed ‘natural’, being a family or having kids, has turned into a complex adventure! A positive outcome has been recognising the enjoyment I get in spending time with my kids. Assisting them with their homework and being a positive role model brings immense personal satisfaction.