Sonal Bhadane
BIO
I’m a clinical validation manager in a medical device company providing medical physics and radiation therapy expertise in product development. I’m mom of a 2-year-old-son who loves outer space and co-founder of Mothers in Science.
Twitter: @bhadane_sonal
Instagram: @talkingscience
SONAL BHADANE
“Will my life change?”
As I drew closer to my child delivery a weird sensation set in. Will my life change?
It was then that I started researching what happens to the careers and lives of women who become mothers. I was shocked when I saw the results. A few months after my son was born I started to interact more on social media and to communicate science to feel connected to the world outside. I actually started my science communication journey so I didn’t feel isolated.
I was fortunate to get one-year maternity leave but as I started connecting with other moms I realised not many are as fortunate as I was. There are moms out there who are doing kickass science, but they were not at all visible. Slowly I started to understand why. The amazing support system around me started to feel inadequate and I started to feel incompetent in everything I was doing.
As I went back to work, it got worse. I thought I was not good enough anymore and the workplace had moved on so fast. Imposter syndrome set in . At home I felt like I was a terrible mother because half of my heart was still at work trying to catch up to people and the other half of my heart was trying my best to breastfeed. My brain was a mush of work and my breasts were blistered and bleeding.
Somehow my capabilities were getting questioned. A self doubt set in . I doubted my ability to perform.
I started to wonder how will I look after my son if you work full time? Will people assume I wouldn’t be up for challenges at work because I have family responsibilities. I was working after hours when I could be spending time with family. I was too committed to my work and more than ever determined to prove to myself that I can do best at work in spite of being a mother. I wanted to prove that nothing had changed in terms of my capability to work. When the fact is I had to work twice as hard as anyone else to prove myself. I had to make a conscious effort so people don’t think I am any less. But it didn’t end there.
I also had to work twice as hard at home to make sure I wasn’t absent from important family events, or that I didn’t miss important milestones or even little things in life. Even though my husband is supportive of my actions, there are others who are always ready to judge your skills of being a mother.
The fact that now I had to make a conscious effort to be seen made me realize how systemic this problem is. Especially in STEM fields, where it’s already considered a HE profession, it is challenging for a mother to survive. The careers in STEM fields are unbending and leave no room for anyone with a “life”.
I have to fight extra to prove myself both professionally and as a parent. But it has also made me stronger and more aware of the persistent problems women face today. Coming from a privileged background where education is for all, this did little for me when it came to face the challenges of real life after being a parent.
I wish I had known a few things then that I know now. I wish I had a circle of trust and positive influence. And that is exactly what @mothersinscience will aim for.