Dequina Nicholas
BIO
Assistant professor in molecular biology and biochemistry at the University of California Irvine (USA). Mother of one.
Dequina Nicholas
“As I continue to persist despite the systemic hurdles for women in science, I have hope that others and I can advocate for systemic change.”
I always wanted a family and assumed I’d have multiple children by the time I was in my mid-20s, just like my mom. However, my ambitious pursuit of a career in academia left me with a deep-seated belief that the family I wanted and the career I dreamed of were incompatible.
Throughout graduate school, I noticed a pattern of extremely high-achieving women being single or childless, usually by choice, or women heavily invested in their families, content to have a career that best supported their roles as mothers and caregivers. I couldn’t help but wonder why women can’t have both.
By the time I was a postdoc studying female reproduction, I had a heightened awareness of my “biological clock.” One evening during dinner, an invited researcher told me her only regret was waiting to have children. She was blessed to have one but could no longer conceive due to age. This scared the crap out of me. The following months I obsessed over whether to start a family and realized there is no best time. However, I was still frightened of a child's impact on my career.
I had wanted my own lab for over a decade and witnessed many women leave academia once they had a child. Would my dreams change? Or worse, would I have to give up my dream to provide a healthy life for my child? Ultimately the answer would be no!
With a smiling face, I met with faculty members, gave job and chalk talks, meanwhile vomiting between Zoom sessions and sipping Gatorade. I can’t imagine having to do these interviews in person.
I was blessed to have a mentor who supported me during this time, but the bare minimum to keep up was exhausting. The struggle increased once I had my baby and returned from maternity leave. I was not myself. I was sleep-deprived and would be for two years.
I had to transition to a faculty position and set up a lab. My lab and child would be the same age, and I couldn’t afford to fail my child or my lab during this critical period. From experienced women in science, I leaned into the advice that this phase won’t last forever.
I committed to doing whatever it took to be successful as a PI and a mom knowing that eventually this phase will pass. I established an unsustainable workload both at the lab and at home. This workload was compounded by my husband working and being in school full-time. That year I did some of the most insane logistical gymnastics to ensure I didn’t miss out on early career opportunities. The craziest being hiring a sitter to watch my child in a hotel room while at a conference. My child accompanied me to every work function involving travel, leading to financial strain due to un-reimbursable childcare expenses and airfares. The bureaucratic hurdles in requesting funds further compounded the issue, with the time lost negating the intended support.
On the outside, I looked like a superwoman. However, I was giving until I was empty. On the inside, I was struggling to keep up with my peers while constantly facing incessant guilt that I was letting down everyone in my life that I loved, including my trainees and my family. Something had to change.
I leaned into receiving help. My lab became self-sufficient. My child was potty trained and was no longer nursing. My husband had reduced work responsibilities and could help more at home.
The early years of setting up my lab with a young child held immense hardship and sacrifice. Now, I’m seeing my child and my lab thrive. It was worth pushing through. I persisted.
As I continue to persist despite the systemic hurdles for women in science, I have hope that others and I can advocate for systemic change. Creative approaches such as floating technicians to support women during pregnancy, leave, and the transition back to work; changes in policy that allow for the use of federal and state funds to support childcare during conference travel; and normalization of hosting as many important networking opportunities during normally available childcare hours as possible.