Anibrata Pal
BIO
Researcher in quantum software engineering and cybersecurity at Minds Research Institute (Italy). Father of one daughter.
“Fathers are not babysitters, and childcare is not a ‘mother’s job’.”
I began my professional journey as a computer science engineer in India, working as a software professional before moving to the U.S., where our only daughter was born. From the earliest days of parenthood, I began to notice a disconnect between professional expectations and the reality of being a present, engaged father.
I took a two-week paternity leave, and when I returned to work, my boss suggested—perhaps jokingly—“Why don’t you bring your mother-in-law to take care of the baby?” The comment stung. It reflected a broader societal mindset I would continue to encounter—one that treated fatherhood as secondary and optional.
Driven by a desire to do meaningful work beyond corporate deliverables, I made a bold decision to leave my secure job and return to academia. My wife, then a federal employee, supported me fully. Together, with our 2.5-year-old daughter, we stepped into uncertainty, leaving our careers behind to pursue research. Many questioned our timing and decisions, but we believed in sharing both caregiving and ambition equally, even when society didn’t.
After completing a master’s degree in Brazil, I began a PhD program. But after three challenging years, I had to withdraw. My wife was nearing the end of her own PhD, and we faced a complete lack of affordable childcare and institutional support. Initially, my advisor agreed to a flexible arrangement, but that understanding eroded. When his decisions made continuing untenable, I left the program—carrying the weight of unfinished goals and the guilt of letting down both my family and myself.
Despite it all, my wife and I continued to share parenting responsibilities. I took on daily school pickups and drop-offs and adjusted my work schedule to ensure someone was always present for our daughter. As a Project Leader at Samsung, I had some flexibility to work from home, but this choice often invited subtle judgment.
I was repeatedly told I was “too involved” in family life, as if prioritizing my daughter came at the expense of professional commitment. While my wife was automatically viewed as the primary caregiver, my active role was seen as excessive or optional. There was no infrastructure—no childcare, no flexibility, and no empathy for caregiving fathers.
Cultural expectations around gender and caregiving were constant. I was expected to prioritize work at all times, while my wife’s caregiving was presumed. When I made adjustments for parenting, they didn’t go unnoticed—and sometimes affected how I was perceived or considered for opportunities.
After the intense pressures of the COVID-19 period, we relocated to Italy so I could restart my PhD—this time, at my wife’s urging, to reclaim a dream I had left behind. Moving internationally with a child came with its own set of challenges: navigating visas, healthcare, schooling, and language barriers. But we adapted. Our love of languages helped us integrate into a new culture, where I found something refreshing: the notion of a father as an equal caregiver was more normalized. No one questioned my presence at school events or my commitment to my family. Still, childcare remained difficult—expensive, unreliable, and often inaccessible—and as foreigners without extended family nearby, we had to manage everything ourselves.
Through all of this, I’ve found strength in my daughter, in my wife, and in the quiet solidarity of a few kind souls along the way. I never aspired to be a disconnected scientist buried in equations—I want to be both a father and a scientist. My ambition hasn’t diminished; it has evolved.
I believe academia and industry must face the realities of modern parenthood. Fathers are not babysitters, and childcare is not a “mother’s job.” Parenting is a shared responsibility, and our systems and policies must reflect that—with affordable childcare, flexible work arrangements, and empathy for caregiving fathers.
Fatherhood has reshaped me. It hasn’t slowed me down—it’s helped me redefine what success means. Not someone who burns out chasing metrics, but someone whose child sees him as present, patient, and passionate. That is how I measure success now.