Adrian Liston
BIO
Professor of pathology at the University of Cambridge (UK). Father of one son.
"Equal parenting wasn’t just our goal–it was our foundation."
My partner and I were postdocs in neighboring labs in the US when we decided to have a child. That decision changed everything for us—not just personally, but professionally and geographically. We had been happy in the US, but we couldn’t imagine raising a child there. Returning to Australia didn’t feel right either. So, we were suddenly navigating not just the “two-body problem,” but a three-body problem—where did we want to raise a child?
Being the data-driven organizers we are, we made a spreadsheet of potential cities. We scored each one on personalized quality-of-life and professional-development metrics. Eventually, we landed on Belgium—a decision that turned out to be ideal for both our careers and for starting a family.
After years of disappointment and doctors’ appointments, our son was finally born in 2011. From the start, we were committed to being equal co-parents. Anything less would have fundamentally changed our relationship. But it turns out that equality in parenting is much harder to practice with a newborn than it is to preach.
Between biological imperatives, time pressures, and a baby who kept changing the rules just as we figured them out, it was a steep learning curve. We had to resist the temptation to default to assumptions like, “You’re better at this—can you just do it?”
What worked for us may not work for everyone, but we found it helpful to take turns being the lead parent. One of us would take charge while the other stepped back completely. We logged everything in an app—feeding times, diaper changes, sleep—and handed off “the data” during baby transfers. It may sound a bit intense, but it helped us avoid the resentment that can build when sleep-deprived partners second-guess each other. Our parenting styles were different, but equally valid.
The Belgian system supported our model well. Unlike the long parental leaves in Scandinavian countries, Belgium offered affordable, high-quality childcare for infants as young as three months. This flexibility allowed both of us to continue our careers—mine in academia, my partner’s in the charity sector. Progress was slower, but steady. We stayed efficient, intentional, and fully engaged.
We also made a conscious choice: we didn’t want to put our lives on hold until our child was older. We traveled internationally from the time he was six weeks old. I brought him to cafés and even to after-hours academic events. I still remember the raised eyebrows when I brought my toddler to a formal faculty dinner, but that became his normal. While we took a break from work travel for a couple of years, we eased back in, and he adapted seamlessly. For a long time, he called both of us “mummy-daddy.”
Parenthood hasn't been easy—but it has always been equal, and always ours to define.